What if the only person you have to be is . . . you?

It’s so easy to get caught up in perfectionism, self-consciousness, or people pleasing in kink.

I’d like to say I’m immune to it. I am not. I just have tools and allies to help me pull out of it more quickly that I used to.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to give the keynote presentation at a gathering that means a lot to me. When I last attended, the keynote speaker was ​Midori​, one of my absolute heroes in kink when I was coming up. I was in a group chat with some trusted friends absolutely freaking out about it. “Who am I to be Midori?!” Thankfully my dear friend the speaker and speaking coach ​Dixie De La Tour​ was in the chat. She’s known for being blunt. And she immediately said: “You’re not Midori. You’re Miriam Green. That’s who they want.”

Oh.

We can get so caught up in our opinions, fears, self-judgments. We can get scared because we’re new, ashamed, even jealous of other kinksters. We can get lost in other people’s ideas of who we should be — even the ideas of people we admire, or love — that we lose sense of ourselves.

Maybe you’re new to kink.

Maybe you’ve been around a while and you’re just feeling stuck.

I’ve heard it all. And I’ve been there. And I promise you I can help.

I’m not going to give you a template, or a plan. I’m not going to tell you how to do kink.

I’m going to give you a process. A set of questions and exercises that will help you figure out your own personal erotic roadmap, both during our time together and long after.

If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’ll be teaching these tools as a Kink Self-Exploration Deep Dive all day on Saturday, July 25th. There are seven tickets left, and you can get one on ​Forbidden Tickets​ or ​Plura​.

Not in the Bay Area? Or maybe you want to go even deeper? I teach this work in our annual six-week intensive Diving Deep, which will meet in November and December 2026 online — so you can attend from anywhere ​through Teachable​ and Zoom.

Yes, we all need to hack our own way through the jungle of our fears and desires. But I happen to have a machete, a compass, and some ways to help. I hope you’ll join me on a journey into yourself.

Much love,

Mir