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As we mentioned in our last post, Wicked Grounds is running a sale on all kink & sexuality books now through September 30th — just use code HOTNHEAVY at checkout to get the discount applied. Orders over $200 always ship free (or get some e-books for instant gratification!) Take me directly to the books! And now for the fun part — some book recommendations from Mir! We’ll roughly match this up to the categories in our class roster. ​ <figure>Our old bookshelves at Wicked Grounds, with a legacy Wicked Grounds black ceramic mug in front!</figure> S/m & the physical side of play Want to explore impact play hands on? Janet Hardy’s Spanking for Lovers is a great place to start! Want to learn about CBT? Hardy Haberman’s Family Jewels will allow you to proceed safely and with pleasure — from soup to nuts! Curious about medical play? Just need enough information to know whether or not to learn more? Check out The Toybag Guide to Medical Play to learn the basics. ​ Bondage & Fetish We love, love, love Shay Tiziano! We are out of stock on physical copies at the moment, but we have her Tying and Flying as an e-book available immediately! (If you order a paperback as well, please be patient!) ​ Sexy times We are huge fans of Erica Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy, and her sex education book Drawn to Sex: The Basics is a delight. (Just one in stock!) No partner? No problem! Carlyle Jansen has the solutions in Sex Yourself! Spice up your solo sex life and be your own best date! Meika Hollender’s Get On Top is a straightforward take on female sexuality, navigating periods, safe sex, self pleasure, and all the other aspects you might not have thought about until this book. Great sex isn’t just for younger folks. Michael Castleman’s Sizzling Sex for Life: Everything You Need to Know to Maximize Erotic Pleasure at Any Age will help you adapt and renew your sex life for every life stage. ​ When sex is challenging . . . Over half of women report having a sexual complaint, whether that’s lack of desire or difficulty reaching orgasm. Sarah Barmak takes the issue seriously in Closer and promotes an entire re-thinking of how we approach and center women’s sexual pleasure. Did the pandemic blow a hole through your libido? That’s understandable and not uncommon. Want it back? We have a couple of books that might be useful. Look into Jill Blakeway’s Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido, Laura Zam’s The Pleasure Plan, and particularly Jill Notte’s The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression and the Discussions We Aren’t Having. STDs have been shrouded in mystery and taboo for centuries. Why do we know so little about our cooties? Strange Bedfellows ventures far beyond the bedroom to examine the hidden role and influence of these widely misunderstood infections. ​ D/s & the mental side of play Our single most recommended D/s book is Anton Fulmen’s The Heart of Dominance. Hands down, this is my favorite D/s title — funny, accessible and descriptive without being prescriptive. Fulmen breaks down six distinct styles of D/s and why they work for the people they work for, so that you can find the ones that work for you! We’re out of stock on the physical book right now, but you can get the e-book immediately. Another Wicked Grounds instructor on D/s is the amazing Auntie Vice, who brings us The Big Workbook for Submissives, which we offer as an e-book or in softcover. Looking to find your sense of dominance as a woman in the scene? Lady Green’s The Sexually Dominant Woman is a classic for a reason. Joyce Snyder takes an amusing look at the relationships between dominant women and submissive men in Mistress Pussycat. ​ Self-knowledge, negotiation & consent I’m basically just going to recommend everything Faith Harper has written here. So, here goes: ​Unfuck Your Consent​ ​Unfuck Your Intimacy​ ​ Community: Friends, dating, relationships & kink culture! It’s marketed for women, but The Kinky Girl’s Guide to Dating contains good advice for everyone. Just ignore the dated technology recommendations (AOL!) and focus on the evergreen wisdom of safety and navigating the scene. Curious about navigating kink dating and relationships as an autistic person? You are not alone! Faith Harper and Joe Biel have some great advice in our inexpensive e-book The Autism Relationships Handbook: How to Thrive in Friendships, Dating, and Love​ ​ Polyamory & Ethical Non-Monogamy When you’re ethically non-monogamous, you probably get a zillion questions about what your life is like. It’s Called Polyamory is what we call an emotional labor book — it’s the one you hand out when folks ask you these questions for the zillionth time. Beyond the basics of polyamory lies a complex web of negotiations, agreements, pitfalls and rewards. Kathy Labriola, a relationships counselor who has worked for many years with singles, couples and groups in polyamorous and open relationships, sets forth some of the realities of alternative lifestyles in Love in Abundance​ Are you interested in a frank discussion of open relationships among gay men, paired with photos of popular porn stars in their underwear? Open Love is the book for you! ​ Magick & Occult (with Magickal Crossroads) Actually, I’m going to recommend you bop over to MagickalCrossroads.com for stock on hand. We’re running a sale over there for 18% off with code BIBLIOMANCY at checkout now through Sept 4th! — And of course we have a lot of other titles over at WickedGrounds.com right now. Head on over and make this 20% discount yours with code HOTNHEAVY!

A huge thank you to all of Wicked Grounds Patreon members, without whom we literally would not be here. You support: – Dozens of classes per month – Safe playshops for hands on learning – Independent authors, instructors and artisans – A fully unionized staff of community ambassadors Thank you!

To view this content, you must be a member of Wicked’s Patreon at $1 or more Unlock with PatreonAlready a qualifying Patreon member? Refresh to access this content.

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Hello Wicked community – Changes, changes, changes. We’re growing our classes & booking some amazing events this fall. (See our growing ​listings at Forbidden Tickets​!) We’re also looking forward to being at several very cool pop-ups. But gosh: the Burning Man late-August ghost town combined with a three-weeks-late-and-counting return of our real estate deposits*  has us in a continued tight spot at the moment. Good news for you, because this means we’re running a Staying the Fuck in Business Sale today and tomorrow!!! While we want to be your home for the best gear, toys and books all the time, your support right now is of particular importance — so how about 20-25% off? Please don’t wait. Get those sale prices locked in now, and have some great new gear for Leather Month! Oooohh, yeah! I love a sale! We are running a Staying the Fuck in Business flash sale now through midnight Thursday, August 24th at ​WickedGrounds.com​ Get 20% off all items with code EFFINBIZ Get 25% off all items with code EFFINBIZINSTA if you pay with Venmo or Zelle at checkout Always get free shipping with orders of $200 or more. I don’t want anything right now, but I want to pay it forward Thank you! Every bit helps, and every dollar you drop here will get credited to our scholarship program unless you ask us directly to put it elsewhere. Heck, you can use those scholarship tickets for yourself later, if you’d like. ​Venmo​ (we get this same-day – a HUGE help) Zelle (use this email address for the account – also same day) ​PayPal​ ​ConvertKit Tips ​ ​Scholarship Tickets at WickedGrounds.com​ As you’ve heard me do the math before, if every person who reads this drops $5-$10 in one of those buckets, we’ll get through this week with no worries. I want to be a member, or upgrade my membership! Thank you! Membership options are at ​Patreon.com/WickedGrounds​ We appreciate your love and support! I miss you! We miss you, too! Keep an eye on our newsletter – we’re going to be at So Many Places this year! xoxo Mir *And seriously: do we have any real-estate attorneys or closely aligned business attorneys reading this newsletter? Write me!

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Whether you’re brand new to kink & BDSM or a lifelong kinkster, the path to play starts with the beginner’s mind. Risk aware consensual kink begins with a spirit of discovery and inquiry. We might discover a certain technique. We may be attracted by a style of dynamic or relationship. We might get curious about how different parts of the BDSM community interact. I had the distinct pleasure of attending a BDSM retreat as a student last weekend.  I met dozens of new people, had meaty conversations, watched some of my own life-long education idols teach topnotch classes, and slowly sunk into my own beginner’s mind. I observed, and interacted. I continue to believe there are three major reactions we can learn from in kink, but sometimes we learn the wrong lessons from them. The first one is easy: a nearly immediate “heck yeah!” That turns me on! That gets me excited! I want a relationship like that! I want to play like that! I love the way this gathering or party does this! (As the legendary Midori invoked Wayne’s World this weekend: “Shwing!”) The second is more subtle: “Why the heck do people do that?” This thing doesn’t turn me on. It bores me, puzzles me, maybe irritates me. Someone else has a deep enthusiasm for this thing and I just don’t get it. (Let’s put a pin in this one – it’s important.) The third is subtle as a brick: “Nope!” That thing scares me. It really bugs me. It challenges me. It challenges my values. I don’t want to watch. I don’t even want to think of it too hard. Nope, nope, nope! We call some of those reactions a “squick” — a visceral reaction to what we’re thinking about or witnessing. Squicks are highly personal, and one person’s deepest one might be someone else’s favorite thing. We can’t really choose these reactions. They seem to arise from nowhere, fully formed. But we can choose what we do with the information they bring. That heck yeah? These seem like the easy ones. Learn about that thing! Do that thing! The other two often trip people up. I’ve seen people devote years of their lives trying to grapple with the “why do folks do that?” category — as if ‘real kinksters’ do the thing, and they’re not real enough without it.  It’s my observation though that people don’t suddenly get turned on by something with more information. If you’re not into it, you’re not into it. You might want to learn more to hold space for your friends/ lovers/ partners who are into that thing, but you’re unlikely to have a sudden epiphany and become a rope afficionado (for example) if you are bored to tears by rope. If I had one recommendation, I’d say don’t waste too much time and money trying to learn about the things that bore you; more information may be enlightening about why other people like that thing, but it isn’t likely to make you like that thing. That last category, though? It holds a charge for us, and therefore a ton of information. Most of the time, those “Nope!” reactions hold fast, and that’s okay. But for myself — and for many other kinksters who’ve been doing this a while — our favorite kinks started off as squicks. I will never forget the first time I saw someone get pummeled with a meat tenderizer — I couldn’t watch, and almost couldn’t listen. It stuck with me for years. Anyone who’s been to SpankLab knows the punchline, of course: now, being hit with my partner’s brass knuckle meat tenderizer is one of my favorite things. (Who knew?!) So, the second recommendation. If you feel up for it, grapple with why the things that hold a strong charge for you do. Get comfortable noticing what brings up strong feelings, positive and negative. And spend a little time learning more about both ends of the spectrum. At worse, you’ll develop some compassion for other kinksters who do things that freak you out. At best . . . well, that might be your favorite thing one day. Myself? I’ve been playing for over thirty years now, in the public scene for nearly twenty, and I’ve been talking and writing about kink professionally for about ten years now. Why do I keep trying to learn more? It never gets boring. Why does it never get boring? I challenge myself to keep growing and changing, and moving out of my comfort zone. Spoiler alert: beginner’s mind isn’t something we grow out of. It’s something we grow in to. May your kink horizons continue to expand! Warmly Mir PS: If you found this essay valuable (or just want to celebrate my birthday), you may leave a tip ​here​ or ​here​. PPS: Yes, of course we offer classes! ​You can check out the full roster here​. PPPS: It’s my birthday this week and all books & gear at ​WickedGrounds.com​ are 20% off with code BIRTHDAY.